welcome to my fairytale

I’m having a break down, balling my eyes out. With no one to talk to. It just came out of nowhere. I was sitting on the couch watching music videos on youtube when I decide to put on the suburbs by arcade fire. As I’m watching the video I just loose it, tears start gushing down my face and I can’t stop. All the perfect memories I had with Tyler just flashed throrugh my mind. One after another, before all the hurt, before I discovered the lies, before the shit hit the fan. Before every single bad thing ever happened. When we were so deeply in love that nothing or nobody could keep us apart. When leaving at the end of the night was painful. When we just sat around together and dreamed of our future. We went off on adventures and discovered new worlds together. And now, we are livng that future and it has torn us to pieces. I’m just a shattered piece of the girl I used to be. Broken under all the pressures of the world. Beaten down everyday by the judgment of others. Everything fell apart, and even though we are still together, its like we are strangers. We lost the love that was so strong, we lost the flame that burned so bright, and everything that was so sure back then is a second guessed now. My world crumbled before my eyes and that song, that one song, brought back every single memory of my perfect past with him. What made me so sure that he was the one for me, that feeling of being inseperable. And it breaks my heart that we are so different now. I want that back, I want us back. Because what this is now, isn’t us. I’m a broken woman now. I wish I was as naive as I was then. I was so completely and utterly - no beyond happy. And now I’m miserable. Past, come back. I just want to relive just one day from that time. Just one. Before all the pain. Before everything.

11:49 pm • 8 May 2013

My sweet baby boy

12:53 am • 7 May 2013

Sorry followers, I’ve been away for a long time. I’ve been a little busy. This is hayden and his daddy. This picture is old now, but it shows how little he was. See, he was 10 weeks early and he had to stay in the hospital for 6 weeks. We brought him home Christmas day. This was the first night we spent the night with him. He’s turning 6 months old on the 13th. He’s been through a lot. But I can’t help but share his story. I am a proud mommy.

11:02 pm • 6 May 2013 • 2 notes